Sometimes, it takes one person to turn the story around.

I have a friend just like you. She works out with her hijab too. You should meet her sometime, I’m sure you both would get along so well

Hello guys. I hope you’re doing great. I’m doing quite alright. And most importantly, I’m generally grateful.

I was reminiscing earlier this week and I randomly remembered the time I stepped into a gym to finally fulfil my fitness goal. As I tied my shoes and was about to hop on the treadmill, the gym owner/instructor said something along the lines of.. “Won’t you take off what’s on your head? How would you be comfortable working out with it?'“

For context, I’m a Muslim lady and I wear hijab. So she meant taking off my hijab so I could workout more comfortably.

Like any other Muslim lady, I felt irritated immediately. I just smiled (not so) politely and hopped on the treadmill anyway. It was my first time at that gym and it was supposed to be a test-run. That is, if I liked the place and could keep up with the distance I would keep visitng. But with that statement she made, I was so sure it would be the last time I would step my foot there.

But as I got through the day (more like tried my best not to faint from the workout), the woman became nicer to me and I contemplated my decision of not coming back. So, I decided to give her a second chance and I went ahead to pay for a month. While reminiscing on the whole experience did I realize that the woman most likely reacted in that manner because she didn’t know better.

You see, one thing I have come to realize is, people react a certain way because they do not know better. Let me give a few examples;

You see White people being racist to Blacks? What if the only context they have of Blacks is the ugly story being handed to them by their parents, and their parents, grand parents.

You see people bully Muslims. What if the only knowledge they have of Muslims is that all Muslims are terrorists?

You see a Yoruba mother reject her daughter’s choice of an Igbo spouse. What if all she knew about Igbos were the tales passed on to her by her mother?

You see a teenage boy bully everyone in school. What if he wasn't loved as a kid and that is the only way he knows how to channel his unmet needs?

The list goes on and on…

Of course, I am not trying to make excuses for their ignorance. If anything, we live in a world where you can get almost any information online. But somehow, viewing the situation from another perspective —a perspective that people react in an irrational way, or act in a certain manner, because they do not know better or have enough information to act otherwise— lightens the issue and saves me from harbouring resentment (which I would be better off without).

In my case,

What if the woman had probably never seen a Muslim lady workout with her hijab on?

What if she was just genuinely concerned about my safety?

What if that was the only way she knew how to communicate her surprise? Albeit rude.

What if? What if?…

Of course, it would be ridiculous of me to think that every single person that wrongs us does so because they do not know better. Some do know better. In fact, they know it so well.

But even when we are armed with a completely new set of information, it takes a lot to drop our old ways of thinking and pick up a new one. I once read it somewhere that sometimes, the old thinking pattern becomes so deep-rooted and a part of us that discarding it feels like a huge dishonour to ourselves.

Either way, I still like to think that people who react a certain way would not do so if they knew how to act otherwise, or — in the case of the second instance— would not do so if they had the courage to drop their old belief system or embrace a mindset change.

This style of approaching situations like this has helped me give people a lot of grace; to understand where they are coming from and whatever reason or thought process backs up their reaction. Although I do not accept whatever reaction they dish out, I simply withhold whatever resentment I’m about to dish out in return, and (sometimes) sympathize with them.

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I write about my learnings on personal growth, life, lessons, and experiences. Kindly subscribe and share if you find it relatable.

Have a great week,

Yosola.

P.S. I later developed a good rapport with the woman at the gym. I’m pretty sure after the encounter we had, she would react in a more friendly or appropriate way to other hijabis. Probably say something like “I have a friend just like you. She works out with her hijab too. You should meet her sometime, I’m sure you both would get along so well”.

Sometimes, it takes one person to turn the story around.